Saturday, October 31, 2009
Life’s miracles come in so many different shapes, sizes and ways.
It comes sudden and unexpected
It comes when you’re sad and feel like there is no more you can take
It comes when your days are filled with joy and Happiness
You can see them in the eyes of your children
You can see it in the hearts of your mate
You can hear it in the air
You can hear it being whispered in your ear
You know they exist when you see rainbows in the skies
You know in can happen when you feel god’s hands on you
Our lives are filled with miracles every single day
We don’t always see them or realize they exist
But they are in our days and in God’s plan
Milagros de la vida
Los milagros de la vida vienen en tan muchas diversos formas, tamaños y maneras.
Viene repentino e inesperado
Viene cuando usted es triste y la sensación como no hay no más usted puede tomar
Viene cuando sus días se llenan de alegría y de felicidad
Usted puede verlos a los ojos de sus niños
Usted puede verlo en los corazones de su compañero
Usted puede oírlo en el aire
Usted puede oírlo que es susurrado en su oído
Usted sabe que existen cuando usted ve los arco iris en los cielos
Usted sabe adentro puede suceder cuando usted siente las manos del dios en usted
Nuestras vidas se llenan de milagros cada solo día
No vemos siempre que o realizarlos existen
Pero están en nuestros días y en el plan del dios
Friday, October 30, 2009
Some days are filled with anger and uncertainty
Thinking what this world is thinking of
Letting children die everyday
Wondering why children have to have so much pain
Looking in my babies faces
Wishing I could take it all away
Knowing I go through it with them every day
People are so unaware of what is happening to our babies’ lives
So much can help but still we all stand still and do nothing
People always ask me “what can I do to help you?”
There is soooo much we all could do
You can actually save a child’s life
You can make a difference in families’ homes
You can make a mommy feel relief that she so badly needs
You can make a daddy feel his heart begin to mend
You can give them a future they might not otherwise have
Do you not get it? Do you not understand?
You worry about how much it might hurt,
You think I’m too scared of what might happen
Well think about what these kids go through every second of every day
Think how they puke their insides out over and over everyday
Think how their mouths and stomachs get full of painful sores
Think of how they can barely eat or drink
Or how they are screaming when they poke and prod them
How they get spinal taps once a week, then once a month
Think how they have to see themselves with no hair
As they hear kids ask are you a boy or a girl?
Think what that does to them
Think about the foreign objects in their bodies
And the poisons they have to take every day
In order to survive another day
It’s not that hard at all!
You can make a difference in so many children’s lives.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
My Little Warrior Princess,how strong and mighty you seem to me.
How much Grace you have upon thee.
How powerful your Lord must be,
to have given you this great strength I see.
Even on those dark bleek days
you seem to have a smile at play
Your heart is loveing and at peace
a glow about you seems to release
You are my warrior so strong and brave,
all this to you God he gave.
If only I could be so strong,
If only I didnt know what all could go wrong.
If only I knew the RIGHT answer,
to help you beat this evil cancer.
My warrior princess so pretty and bright
May God contiune to give you his light.
May he carry you through this valley
and see you through to the finale.
So long a journey left to go
you are a strong warrior princess with a powerful glow.
Given to you by God up above
Made with his 100% love
Friday, October 23, 2009
Sea of Tears
There are days when all you can do is cry
Where you feel all your hope and cheer will just die
Those moments when your tears seem to never want to end
When you heart feels like will never again mend
Like you can barely catch a breath
Your fears and thoughts are leaning toward death
The future is dark and bleak
Your faith seems altogether weak
You sit and think and try to have a normal day
And keep all these horrid thoughts at bay
The tears start to flow
Will this pain ever just go?
You’re in a sea of tears
Your mind is conquered by all your heartrenching fears
Take a deep breath and get down on your knees
Pray for the Lord to send you peace
You go about your day
Continuing the prayer you always say
It’s time for bed
And as soon as you lay down your head
You are swimming in that grieving sea
This is not where you really want to be
You want the Lord to hear your prayer
And tell him this is all Lord my heart can bear
You want him to hear your cry
And answer your question WHY?
Then you think is he even here?
Can he hear my heart and prayer?
Does he know my heart aches?
Does he know it every second of the day breaks?
You wonder does anyone even care
This all just doesn’t seem fair!
Sometimes you feel no one is around
Like in your sea of tears you might have drowned
One thing in all you pain you must know
There is someone that knows your every woe
God our savior knows what’s in your heart
He knows the fears that tears you apart
Go to him with all this you feel
He to you can feel so real
He s there even when you’re not sure
Only he has the cure
He gives you a peace that is always there
He knows your heart and every future fear
He walks with you every single day
And carries you when your tears feel like the Hudson bay.
Peace, Grace and Love
All sent from God above
Friday, October 16, 2009
my reality is seeing my princess with all her fury little by little weaken.She is still stronger than i know but you can see in her paleness that she is not the same.you can tell with her black circles things are harder.This battle will be won,but she is weaker than when it begun.Her weakness does not show defeat it only shows there is a battle to be won!
SO many obstacles for such a little girl.So much pain for a mother's heart.So much more than i feel I can endure.But when I feel weak and broken I remember Jenna and her mommy.I think of the great strength she allowed God to give her.She let herself be held by the great physician and slowly her heart will mend.
My reality is this is my new life,a whole new world.Its my old world turned upside down and inside out.Its a world full of valleys and pain.Full of heartache and that rain cloud that never goes away.The one that hangs over my house waiting to ruin a bright day.Waiting to see smiles fade and laughter stop.Waiting for my heart to break once more.Does this ever get better,do you ever get used to these days.
My heart says no,my mind says I hope so.It hurts to breathe and is hard to swallow.Tears want to explode from my eyes as they have from my heart.
My reality is autism,deafness,and cancer.... those are my 3 crosses to bear for me and my children.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
So many bad days,so much more then I feel like I can endure.
The last few days have been hard on me but even harder on her.
After chemo she began throwing up so much,much more that usual.That night was so hard to watch as she cried and continued to throw up.
We didn't sleep that night.It hurt so bad to see my daughter like that.I could hardly breathe.It hurt to try to swallow from all the tears i was holding back.
Trying to be strong for her is so much harder than you know.Trying to keep my self together,my emotions in,is almost impossible.But i do it.For her.Do you ever have time to let it out?When is the right time to cry?
I feels so alone,like no one will truly understand my heartache.
I often wonder what do other moms feel that go through this or even so much worse....
These days seem better;One moment at a time.
I hear beautiful laughter that makes my heart smile.I see lovely smiles and silly faces that make me cry for joy.
I enjoy the rainbows&butterflies for their true beauty.
I see them like noone else can.
I praise God for these days that I know he walks besides me,and hope on the bad days he will carry me through.
Its amazing how fast a good day can turn bad.How one minute you are laughing and playing and the next you are trying to breathe.
You try to be as normal as possible as you choke back tears.
For now,for this moment I will enjoy all the rainbows and butterflies that come after the strom....
Monday, October 12, 2009
Yesterday I was able to go to church and my husband stayed with Nevaeh. Of course i had a million things going through my head,but one thing that touched my heart,that I needed to hear was something the preacher said.It was as if God said this is for you Amy....
He said that God has a precious plan for your life!
I thought about it and I of course don't fully understand why God wanted me to take care of these precious children he gave me,i don't see why he thought i could take good care of two children with disabilities and a daughter with cancer.But i do see that for my children and all the other little children he does have a plan!
He has aplan for our precious Jenna,there was a reason for her going to heaven so early!He has a plan for fili and that adorable Alex that both have autism!God wants to show us how awesome they really are!LOL!There is a reason for Mateo's disability,one day in heaven he will hear all he needs to hear.The first voice he will hear clearly is God's voice!How cool is that!!!That has to make you envious!!God has a plan for my princess and all the other princesses with cancer!He has a plan for the little boys that are fighting this evil disease.He will make our children warriors!I read a blog that touched my heart so profoundly,actually all these blogs touch my heart.It made me so that the devil is attacking our world.And this world is full of evil people and scary diseases!our children are caught in the crossfire.but know that God is not letting this happen to us for no reason.our heart are not breaking in vain,our children's suffering is not in vain.Their pain is not going unnoticed.God has a precious plan for our lives.Even though sometimes we feel alone,confused and scared.He is there.That's what makes him God.He knows what to do even when we don't.He doesn't want our children to suffer in this wicked world.I don't know his plan for me and my children, but i do know he has one.I have to put it all in his hands so he can work it all out.I know we don't like seeing our children in pain or hearing them cry or seeing them so sick.I tear up every time i think of Nevaeh's valley.But that's just it,its a valley.God will see her through this valley and have his way to what happens next.Let his precious plan play out.That is easier said then done,but it day by day,minute by minute,second by second!
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Escaping my world
Driving in the rain
Trying to look out the window pane;
Attempting to escape everyday life
Wanting to enjoy being a mother and a wife;
No more doctors, no more reminders
No more medicines, no more binders;
Just for one enjoyable day!!
I’d like to keep all thoughts of CANCER at bay!
Heavy raindrops falling from the skies
Fogging up all the vision of my eyes;
Trying to see beyond the haze
Yearning to see sunnier days.
A long drive a head
Looking forward to that cozy hotel bed;
A cooler full of snacks and drinks
Watching how its contents slowly shrinks.
Movies to keep us entertained
Windows to see how much it has rained;
A room full of LAUGHTER and JOY
A backpack full of coloring books and many a toy.
Escaping my world for a day
Brings more JOY than I could ever say;
Enjoying each other for awhile
Hearing GIGGLES and seeing my kids SMILE;
A day full of PEACE and grace
Admiring the sense of relief on my husband’s face.
For one whole day, no more sickness; no more pain
No more sadness no more rain….
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
In a moment full of sweet smiles, joyful laughter and love beyond measure is an innocence that only a child can behold. An angelic face that can melt a heart of stone; a deep strength within her to keep fighting to carry on. Everyone she's ever met will not forget her aquaintance. And those closest to her, she is their shining little star.
I LOVE THE DAYS OF JOY THAT GOD BRINGS,
I LOVE THE WAY HE GIVES HER THE SONGS SHE SINGS
I LOVE HOW WHEN I TELL HER I LOVE YOU
SHE SAYS JESUS LOVES ME TOO
I LOVE HER INNOCENCE AND HER DELIGHT
I LOVE HER SMILE THAT SHINES OH,SO BRIGHT
I LOVE THE SILLY STORIES SHE TELLS
AND THE WAY SHE LOVES TO HUNTS FOR SEASHELLS
I LOVE THE WAY SHE HAS TO PICK EVERY FLOWER THAT SHE CAN SEE
I LOVE THE WAY SHE HUGS WHEN SHE SAYS SHE LOVES ME
THESE DAYS ARE FULL OF MEMORIES AND PEACE
OUR SADNESS AND DOUBT SLOWLY CAN RELEASE
THROUGH OUT THE HOUSE THEIR IS A SCENT OF GRACE
AN EXPRESSION YOU CAN SEE THROUGH OUT EVERY ONES FACE
A FEELING THAT ONLY GOD COULD PUT IN PLACE
A JOY THAT MAKES EVERYTHING GO AT A SWEETER PACE
I LOVE THESE DAYS THE LORD DOES CONVEY
I LOVE THE WAY SHE IS ABLE TO LOVE,SING,AND PLAY
THANK YOU LORD FOR THESE DAYS
FOR TOMORROWS,YESTERDAYS,AND TODAYS
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
The last few days have been better.
We took the kids to the park and to ride bikes,she hasn't been able to go ride her bike since before she got sick.She had so much fun!She rode her bike and played on the playground.It was nice to have a little normalcy.
She still doesn't eat very much,we had a picnic and she just watched us all eat.I felt so bad cause i really wanted her to join in.But it was a pretty good outing.
I am so proud of her progress,she is such a strong girl.She has a strength that i would love to have.God is so good to my princess,he gives her strength ,mercy&grace.
Friday, October 2, 2009
there is a scent of fear in the air,
cureable only by a prayer.
so many feelings seem to stir,
none at the time i prefer.
all of them seem to be full of confusion,
some of these days feel like an illusion.
i feel a peace i know for sure,
but i am still hopeing for a cure!
today may be a good day,
where pain&sickness seems at bay...
but tomorrow brings a diffrent time,
a whole other mountain of pain to climb.
emotions are still so raw,
under a rock i sometimes want to crawl!
OK! i want to know is this how we all feel?
Does your world seem to be standing still?
Does all of this seem so unreal?
For me it does!
For me i want stuff the way it was!
i want life before the pain
before my fight in this never ending rain!
I got the Lord by myside,
causeing my pain to slowly subside.
if not for him the pain would over flow,
and continue to daily grow...
take over everyday through and through,
more pain than i ever knew.
but i know deep in my heart,
he knows her destany from the start.
SOmetimes thats hard for me to see
sometimes i dont understand why this is the way life has to be.
GRR! i hate that i do this!
Look beyond the pain! And see his bliss!
This is my emotions,up and down,
sometimes in self pity i feel i may drown!
One day all this pain will gone
a new life for us the Lord has drawn
no more sorrow,no more pain,
no more feeling like in going insane
no more sadness no more grief,
soon it will be comeplete relief.
streets of gold
and the babys lost that god will hold!
the families torin apart ny death
finnally i can catch my breath!
I cant wait for that day of 100%peace
all the worries i will get to release.
til then lets pray for grace
til the day we can beat this race!