Wednesday, December 2, 2009

HAPPINESS


It's been so long sence I've shed a tear
It's been so long sence Ive had a fear
All I see before me is Happinsess and peace
All the sadness I have given release
My days are so much brighter
Knowing God has given me a little fighter!
He gives her a strength more powerful than I will know
A peace that seems to continuously flow
I am happy and full of God's grace
Knowing I can today see my daughters face
I will live for every single moment,for every single day
And enjoy my life along the way.
God has given me sucha life
He's blesses me as a mother and a wife.
So much to be happy for
I couldnt ask for anything more.

Friday, November 20, 2009

Happy Thanxgiving!!!!!


God has given me so much to be thankful for.
Here is my list of what I am grateful for:
First and for most I am Thankful for my Salvation
I am Thankful for my husband who Loves me so very much
He is my prince charming and my soul mate.
He shows me God is true and knows what is right.
I am Thankful for my oldest child Antony,
who gives me so much to be proud of.
Through him I see Hope only God can give.
I am Thankful for My second child Fili,
who through his autism has shown me God's Patience
and my goals.
I am Thankful for my munchkin Mateo,
who shows me with God all things are possible!
Through his disability I see God's light.
I am Thankful for my Princess Nevaeh,
She has shown me God is always good.He walks with me on these good days
and he carries me through the bad days.
I am Thankful for my family,
for my family in my church
and for my family in my life.
Through them I see God's peace and Love
I am thankful for the new family(sarah and her family)I have in my life.
Through them God shows me new beginnings.
I am Thankful for so many people in my life.
I am so very Thankful for the good days God gives me with my family.
And also for the bad one's because he always gives me HOPE!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

My Lion Princess


My daughter Princess Nevaeh is and always will be a fighter.Those who know her no that she was made special.Her spirit is a of a fighter,of a great warrior, of a couragous Lion.She has a strength that only God can give and a hope that only he created.Many days I lay at night wondering ,what is God trying to show me or say? My daughter is my gift from God he gave her to me for
a special reason.I pray everyday that he lets me keep her.I pray everyday he gives me strength like she has.I pray that he gives me the courage he gives her.What a Couragous Lion I have.She is my Princess,My Lion Princess!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The New Me


I am not the person I was before
That person is Gone!
The one who cared what others thought of her.
The person who thought about future plans,
She's gone!
The person who loved doing her hair,
and going to the nail shop,
The one who had lunch with her friends,
and planned weekend trips with her husband,
She's gone!
The one who took her place is much diffrent:
She doesnt make plans
She refuses to think of the future
She has very few friends because she knows not everyone sticks around.
She's scared to say aloud her true feelings and thoughts,
Not because of what others might think,but because of what she herself might think.
The new Me cries way too much!Way more than the Me that left.
She feels way more emotions and has way more fears.
She questions God's plans alot,even though she knows he knows best.
Her heart breaks everyday,
Her vallies are deeper and her storms brutal.
My whole world has flipped upside down,
My days of sunshine are few in between,How much more will my heart break??
As I stand and watch my whole world become unravled,
I still have a grain of faith that God does have a plan.
I still believe only he gives me peace.
If that didnt exist I would hold nothing,
No hope,
No peace,
Nothing but heartache,
and sadness.
As I sit here now,I wait for my small ray of sunshine....
Thats all thats left to do.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Life's Miracles




Life’s miracles
Life’s miracles come in so many different shapes, sizes and ways.
It comes sudden and unexpected
It comes when you’re sad and feel like there is no more you can take
It comes when your days are filled with joy and Happiness
You can see them in the eyes of your children
You can see it in the hearts of your mate
You can hear it in the air
You can hear it being whispered in your ear
You know they exist when you see rainbows in the skies
You know in can happen when you feel god’s hands on you
Our lives are filled with miracles every single day
We don’t always see them or realize they exist
But they are in our days and in God’s plan

Milagros de la vida
Los milagros de la vida vienen en tan muchas diversos formas, tamaños y maneras.
Viene repentino e inesperado
Viene cuando usted es triste y la sensación como no hay no más usted puede tomar
Viene cuando sus días se llenan de alegría y de felicidad
Usted puede verlos a los ojos de sus niños
Usted puede verlo en los corazones de su compañero
Usted puede oírlo en el aire
Usted puede oírlo que es susurrado en su oído
Usted sabe que existen cuando usted ve los arco iris en los cielos
Usted sabe adentro puede suceder cuando usted siente las manos del dios en usted
Nuestras vidas se llenan de milagros cada solo día
No vemos siempre que o realizarlos existen
Pero están en nuestros días y en el plan del dios

Friday, October 30, 2009

Make a diffrence



Some days are filled with anger and uncertainty
Thinking what this world is thinking of
Letting children die everyday
Wondering why children have to have so much pain
Looking in my babies faces
Wishing I could take it all away
Knowing I go through it with them every day
People are so unaware of what is happening to our babies’ lives
So much can help but still we all stand still and do nothing
People always ask me “what can I do to help you?”
There is soooo much we all could do
You can actually save a child’s life
You can make a difference in families’ homes
You can make a mommy feel relief that she so badly needs
You can make a daddy feel his heart begin to mend
You can give them a future they might not otherwise have
Do you not get it? Do you not understand?
You worry about how much it might hurt,
You think I’m too scared of what might happen
Well think about what these kids go through every second of every day
Think how they puke their insides out over and over everyday
Think how their mouths and stomachs get full of painful sores
Think of how they can barely eat or drink
Or how they are screaming when they poke and prod them
How they get spinal taps once a week, then once a month
Think how they have to see themselves with no hair
As they hear kids ask are you a boy or a girl?
Think what that does to them
Think about the foreign objects in their bodies
And the poisons they have to take every day
In order to survive another day
It’s not that hard at all!
You can make a difference in so many children’s lives.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

My Warrior Princess


My Little Warrior Princess,how strong and mighty you seem to me.
How much Grace you have upon thee.
How powerful your Lord must be,
to have given you this great strength I see.
Even on those dark bleek days
you seem to have a smile at play
Your heart is loveing and at peace
a glow about you seems to release

You are my warrior so strong and brave,
all this to you God he gave.
If only I could be so strong,
If only I didnt know what all could go wrong.
If only I knew the RIGHT answer,
to help you beat this evil cancer.



My warrior princess so pretty and bright
May God contiune to give you his light.
May he carry you through this valley
and see you through to the finale.
So long a journey left to go
you are a strong warrior princess with a powerful glow.
Given to you by God up above
Made with his 100% love

Friday, October 23, 2009

Sea of Tears


Sea of Tears
There are days when all you can do is cry
Where you feel all your hope and cheer will just die
Those moments when your tears seem to never want to end
When you heart feels like will never again mend
Like you can barely catch a breath
Your fears and thoughts are leaning toward death
The future is dark and bleak
Your faith seems altogether weak
You sit and think and try to have a normal day
And keep all these horrid thoughts at bay
The tears start to flow
Will this pain ever just go?
You’re in a sea of tears
Your mind is conquered by all your heartrenching fears
Take a deep breath and get down on your knees
Pray for the Lord to send you peace
You go about your day
Continuing the prayer you always say
It’s time for bed
And as soon as you lay down your head
You are swimming in that grieving sea
This is not where you really want to be
You want the Lord to hear your prayer
And tell him this is all Lord my heart can bear
You want him to hear your cry
And answer your question WHY?
Then you think is he even here?
Can he hear my heart and prayer?
Does he know my heart aches?
Does he know it every second of the day breaks?
You wonder does anyone even care
This all just doesn’t seem fair!
Sometimes you feel no one is around
Like in your sea of tears you might have drowned
One thing in all you pain you must know
There is someone that knows your every woe
God our savior knows what’s in your heart
He knows the fears that tears you apart
Go to him with all this you feel
He to you can feel so real
He s there even when you’re not sure
Only he has the cure
He gives you a peace that is always there
He knows your heart and every future fear
He walks with you every single day
And carries you when your tears feel like the Hudson bay.
Peace, Grace and Love
All sent from God above

Friday, October 16, 2009

my reality



my reality is seeing my princess with all her fury little by little weaken.She is still stronger than i know but you can see in her paleness that she is not the same.you can tell with her black circles things are harder.This battle will be won,but she is weaker than when it begun.Her weakness does not show defeat it only shows there is a battle to be won!
SO many obstacles for such a little girl.So much pain for a mother's heart.So much more than i feel I can endure.But when I feel weak and broken I remember Jenna and her mommy.I think of the great strength she allowed God to give her.She let herself be held by the great physician and slowly her heart will mend.
My reality is this is my new life,a whole new world.Its my old world turned upside down and inside out.Its a world full of valleys and pain.Full of heartache and that rain cloud that never goes away.The one that hangs over my house waiting to ruin a bright day.Waiting to see smiles fade and laughter stop.Waiting for my heart to break once more.Does this ever get better,do you ever get used to these days.
My heart says no,my mind says I hope so.It hurts to breathe and is hard to swallow.Tears want to explode from my eyes as they have from my heart.
My reality is autism,deafness,and cancer.... those are my 3 crosses to bear for me and my children.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Rainbows and Butterflies....


So many bad days,so much more then I feel like I can endure.
The last few days have been hard on me but even harder on her.
After chemo she began throwing up so much,much more that usual.That night was so hard to watch as she cried and continued to throw up.
We didn't sleep that night.It hurt so bad to see my daughter like that.I could hardly breathe.It hurt to try to swallow from all the tears i was holding back.
Trying to be strong for her is so much harder than you know.Trying to keep my self together,my emotions in,is almost impossible.But i do it.For her.Do you ever have time to let it out?When is the right time to cry?
I feels so alone,like no one will truly understand my heartache.
I often wonder what do other moms feel that go through this or even so much worse....
These days seem better;One moment at a time.
I hear beautiful laughter that makes my heart smile.I see lovely smiles and silly faces that make me cry for joy.
I enjoy the rainbows&butterflies for their true beauty.
I see them like noone else can.
I praise God for these days that I know he walks besides me,and hope on the bad days he will carry me through.
Its amazing how fast a good day can turn bad.How one minute you are laughing and playing and the next you are trying to breathe.
You try to be as normal as possible as you choke back tears.
For now,for this moment I will enjoy all the rainbows and butterflies that come after the strom....

Monday, October 12, 2009

GOD'S PRECIOUS PLAN


Yesterday I was able to go to church and my husband stayed with Nevaeh. Of course i had a million things going through my head,but one thing that touched my heart,that I needed to hear was something the preacher said.It was as if God said this is for you Amy....
He said that God has a precious plan for your life!
I thought about it and I of course don't fully understand why God wanted me to take care of these precious children he gave me,i don't see why he thought i could take good care of two children with disabilities and a daughter with cancer.But i do see that for my children and all the other little children he does have a plan!
He has aplan for our precious Jenna,there was a reason for her going to heaven so early!He has a plan for fili and that adorable Alex that both have autism!God wants to show us how awesome they really are!LOL!There is a reason for Mateo's disability,one day in heaven he will hear all he needs to hear.The first voice he will hear clearly is God's voice!How cool is that!!!That has to make you envious!!God has a plan for my princess and all the other princesses with cancer!He has a plan for the little boys that are fighting this evil disease.He will make our children warriors!I read a blog that touched my heart so profoundly,actually all these blogs touch my heart.It made me so that the devil is attacking our world.And this world is full of evil people and scary diseases!our children are caught in the crossfire.but know that God is not letting this happen to us for no reason.our heart are not breaking in vain,our children's suffering is not in vain.Their pain is not going unnoticed.God has a precious plan for our lives.Even though sometimes we feel alone,confused and scared.He is there.That's what makes him God.He knows what to do even when we don't.He doesn't want our children to suffer in this wicked world.I don't know his plan for me and my children, but i do know he has one.I have to put it all in his hands so he can work it all out.I know we don't like seeing our children in pain or hearing them cry or seeing them so sick.I tear up every time i think of Nevaeh's valley.But that's just it,its a valley.God will see her through this valley and have his way to what happens next.Let his precious plan play out.That is easier said then done,but it day by day,minute by minute,second by second!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

ESCAPING MY WORLD


Escaping my world
Driving in the rain
Trying to look out the window pane;
Attempting to escape everyday life
Wanting to enjoy being a mother and a wife;
No more doctors, no more reminders
No more medicines, no more binders;
Just for one enjoyable day!!
I’d like to keep all thoughts of CANCER at bay!
Heavy raindrops falling from the skies
Fogging up all the vision of my eyes;
Trying to see beyond the haze
Yearning to see sunnier days.
A long drive a head
Looking forward to that cozy hotel bed;
A cooler full of snacks and drinks
Watching how its contents slowly shrinks.
Movies to keep us entertained
Windows to see how much it has rained;
A room full of LAUGHTER and JOY
A backpack full of coloring books and many a toy.
Escaping my world for a day
Brings more JOY than I could ever say;
Enjoying each other for awhile
Hearing GIGGLES and seeing my kids SMILE;
A day full of PEACE and grace
Admiring the sense of relief on my husband’s face.
For one whole day, no more sickness; no more pain
No more sadness no more rain….

Wednesday, October 7, 2009



In a moment full of sweet smiles, joyful laughter and love beyond measure is an innocence that only a child can behold. An angelic face that can melt a heart of stone; a deep strength within her to keep fighting to carry on. Everyone she's ever met will not forget her aquaintance. And those closest to her, she is their shining little star.

JOY



I LOVE THE DAYS OF JOY THAT GOD BRINGS,
I LOVE THE WAY HE GIVES HER THE SONGS SHE SINGS
I LOVE HOW WHEN I TELL HER I LOVE YOU
SHE SAYS JESUS LOVES ME TOO
I LOVE HER INNOCENCE AND HER DELIGHT
I LOVE HER SMILE THAT SHINES OH,SO BRIGHT
I LOVE THE SILLY STORIES SHE TELLS
AND THE WAY SHE LOVES TO HUNTS FOR SEASHELLS
I LOVE THE WAY SHE HAS TO PICK EVERY FLOWER THAT SHE CAN SEE
I LOVE THE WAY SHE HUGS WHEN SHE SAYS SHE LOVES ME
THESE DAYS ARE FULL OF MEMORIES AND PEACE
OUR SADNESS AND DOUBT SLOWLY CAN RELEASE
THROUGH OUT THE HOUSE THEIR IS A SCENT OF GRACE
AN EXPRESSION YOU CAN SEE THROUGH OUT EVERY ONES FACE
A FEELING THAT ONLY GOD COULD PUT IN PLACE
A JOY THAT MAKES EVERYTHING GO AT A SWEETER PACE
I LOVE THESE DAYS THE LORD DOES CONVEY
I LOVE THE WAY SHE IS ABLE TO LOVE,SING,AND PLAY
THANK YOU LORD FOR THESE DAYS
FOR TOMORROWS,YESTERDAYS,AND TODAYS

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Better Days


The last few days have been better.
We took the kids to the park and to ride bikes,she hasn't been able to go ride her bike since before she got sick.She had so much fun!She rode her bike and played on the playground.It was nice to have a little normalcy.
She still doesn't eat very much,we had a picnic and she just watched us all eat.I felt so bad cause i really wanted her to join in.But it was a pretty good outing.
I am so proud of her progress,she is such a strong girl.She has a strength that i would love to have.God is so good to my princess,he gives her strength ,mercy&grace.

Friday, October 2, 2009




there is a scent of fear in the air,
cureable only by a prayer.
so many feelings seem to stir,
none at the time i prefer.
all of them seem to be full of confusion,
some of these days feel like an illusion.
i feel a peace i know for sure,
but i am still hopeing for a cure!
today may be a good day,
where pain&sickness seems at bay...
but tomorrow brings a diffrent time,
a whole other mountain of pain to climb.
emotions are still so raw,
under a rock i sometimes want to crawl!
OK! i want to know is this how we all feel?
Does your world seem to be standing still?
Does all of this seem so unreal?
For me it does!
For me i want stuff the way it was!
i want life before the pain
before my fight in this never ending rain!
I got the Lord by myside,
causeing my pain to slowly subside.
if not for him the pain would over flow,
and continue to daily grow...
take over everyday through and through,
more pain than i ever knew.
but i know deep in my heart,
he knows her destany from the start.
SOmetimes thats hard for me to see
sometimes i dont understand why this is the way life has to be.
GRR! i hate that i do this!
Look beyond the pain! And see his bliss!
This is my emotions,up and down,
sometimes in self pity i feel i may drown!
One day all this pain will gone
a new life for us the Lord has drawn
no more sorrow,no more pain,
no more feeling like in going insane
no more sadness no more grief,
soon it will be comeplete relief.
streets of gold
and the babys lost that god will hold!
the families torin apart ny death
finnally i can catch my breath!
I cant wait for that day of 100%peace
all the worries i will get to release.
til then lets pray for grace
til the day we can beat this race!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Enough Love for Itty bitty By:uncle Frank

my fairy princess





my daughter is a fairy princess,complete with ribbon &lace
filled with god's mercy&his grace
Shes smart&sweet
and as lovely as she can be
I love her more than i can say
more&more which each passing day
She is a princess on a mission
with a battle thats in remission
shes fighting against cancer
as we wait along the side line for an answer
what is God's will?what is is that he may see?
Is this the way he wants her life to be?
Thats why he gave her the heart she holds
made more precious than the rarest Golds
He gave her more Grace than you or I
All of his Love sent from the heavenly sky
He gave me fairy little princess for me to love
he sent her to me from the great heavens above
He knows her will
he wants me to just keep still
let him write her journey of where he wants her to be
does he want her with him or will she stay with me
See the Lord is a writer just as Iam
he writes every detail from the petals to the stem
He writes our journies in his book of life
he knows her pain cuts me open like a knife
My fairy princess has such a fight
it all just doesnt seem right!
(SIGH)she will be fine,she will get through
Shes got lots of prayers and loveing people too
who want her to win her fight against her disease
and to have us all finnally be at ease
My fairy little princess sent from above
sent to me for all of GOD'S LOVE

heartrending
A adjective
1 grievous, heartbreaking, heartrending

causing or marked by grief or anguish; "a grievous loss"; "a grievous cry"; "her sigh was heartbreaking"; "the heartrending words of Rabin's granddaughter"

everytime Nevaeh has another treatment,or spinal tap or anything else that causes her to screan&cry it breaks my heart in2.Her pain is so unnesesary,she should be playing outside with her brothers!not in the hospital crying cuase they are going to poke her.Its all so crazy to me still.I just want to take her &run!My daughters pain and suffering is my heart being ripped out.I want to cry with her,but i cant....I got to be strong...let her see me strong...so she can be strong.Its all so hard!Im still wondering why sometines,i still think could they be wrong,i still wish to wake up from this dream,someone pinch me please!IS this how all the moms feel? is this what we all go through?Friday is a long appointment day.I am so dreading it,but we have to do it.(SIGH)i wish u could understand my heart

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

comfort in God's arms


Today I looked into the skies
visializing the Lord's aiding eyes
my heart surely ached
but I knew it was no mistake
He will have her in his arms
keeping her safe from all harms
I know she is well
this much for sure I can tell
One day you will see our precious Jenna Belle
All her adventures she will surely tell
Til then know that she will wait
til you oneday enter that pearly gate
Let your heart heal,with that trust
And the Lord knows your heart just
Dont forget to tell him your heart
cause he knows it all from the start

Grace


GRACE is a strong word
Given to me only by the LORD
waking up in the early day
seems harder then i can say
thinking of the future planned
hurts more then i can dare to stand
knowing there are chances of no hope
is more pain then i can cope
I know those thoughts i have to let go
i see a dandiloin,make a wish &blow!
Wish for a peaceful heart,
Pray for grace from the start
Wishing i had no heart to break
praying to GOD my pain he'll take
He today has given me his GRACE
giving it to me in his own pace
just enough so i can inhale
watching my worries in an imaginary boat far way sail
Praying for this feeling to stay forever
wishing to have the sadness to return never
I see her smile
it makes my heart flutter,just a little while
i hear her laughter,and her giggles
and watch when i tickle her belly how she wiggles!
Today i have HOPE and PEACE
my uncertailty has finnally come to cease
I want to LIVE a new day
come each moment as it may

Princess Nevaeh

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Monday, September 28, 2009

MY PRAYER


Sometimes at night
when sleep seems like a losing fight.
I tap on the window pane
staring out through the rain.
up into the heavenly skies
wiping running tears from my eyes.
I say aloud unto the Lord
"Here me Jesus,here my every word.
Protect my daughter through this storm
let a hedge around her form.
Give her fight to beat this war
let her courage&grace through you soar.
Give me grace oh,Lord
give me something through your word.
Allow me strength,
to get beyond this place,
this place of sadness &uncertainess
the place where in your arms i can rest
I know that its all in your hands
I see ur footsteps in the sands."
There are those days when i feel like i just cant breathe
those are the days i continuously get down on my knees
and fight through the tears,
and undeniable fears;
And thank him for all his love
and all his mercy sent from above!
"Thank you Oh,LORD for all you do
all my pain you already knew
I give it all to you my LORD
as you fight my battles with your mighty sword!
Thank you...
in Jesus name
Amen....."

LIFE



life is often oblivious to our joys and fears
it cares not about our heartaches &tears
it worries not of what we want out of it
or how sometimes the obstacles it brings makes us want to quit
i wonder what life expects of us too
does it expect me to be like you
my heart break each&every day
i don't always know exactly what to feel or say
i have hopes&joys
a beautiful daughter &3 precious boys
a spouse that loves me with all my many afault
my progress always seems to come to a hault
nothing goes as planned
it feels as though Ive fallen in quicksand
the more i reach towards the Lord
the more i yearn for his word
the more i feel as though my world goes upside down
my hopes and progress seem to sink and drown
i am so very blessed
i should not feel so stressed
but the flesh takes over and i am in a daze
a daze that is such a craze
that i cannot control my tears
i cannot forget all my heartrending fears
so much runs through my mind
a glimpse of his grace i cannot find
it all seems so dreadfully far
it leaves everything so bizarre
life makes its own unbalanced turns
without a thought or any concerns
so i try with all my heart
to give it all to him so i can keep from falling apart
so i can stay sane,and let him have my pain
cancer is a word life throws at you and expects you to duck
but in reality it feels like your heart has been run over by a truck
it feels like you cannot breath
like a person overdosing on chrystal meth!
what a weird thought to run through my head,that's something i should not have said
but these are my thoughts and what gives me fright
these are things that blurs my sight!
i want it all to go away
i want my old life before the cancer, to comeback&stay
life has always brought me hurdles to jump
but this is just a huge never ending bump
This is my heart today,tomorrow is a new hopeful day
maybe in this new day i will see light
i will pray for this with all my might
i yearn for his peace and his grace
i want to get to that mountain and stay in that place
in heaven this life i will not own
i will no longer be made of flesh and bone
my heart will no longer ache
this pain i will no longer have to take
that day my children will have no sickness and no pain
it will stop this never ending rain
this storm that lives over my head
that makes me want to hide in my bed
i can see over the cloud sunshine wanting to peek through
wanting to tell me ther is hope it is all true
i hope you dont misunderstand me here
this is all in a day that i let in fear
somedays are nice and fair
i have not a worry or a scare
those days i find peace and hope
i feel then i can swim afloat
i pray for those days to last
and the bad ones to hurry and pass
one day this will be over and done
and i will always seen the gistening sun

Sunday, September 27, 2009

good days



Nevaeh has been haveing some awesome days here latey.Everything is seeming almost normal on some moments.Its hard to be 100%relieved because we know at any time things can change.Its kinda wierd because her hair is growing and im thinking HUH?I thought it was suppose to be falling out.but it still is falling out.Its very very thin.as its growing you can see her scalp.LOL!She looks like a baby monkey with her hair like that!ITS ADORABLE!!Fili(MY HUBBY) wanted to shave it for her so it wouldnt look too bad but she said no,she wants to leave it like that.So its gonna stay like that til shes ready to cut it.Today my dear friend Fran(shes my single person support group!)LOL! gave me a book written by a little boy named mattie.Its called Journey through heartsongs.There is a poem that he wrote that I just loved.Here it goes i hope you enjoy it as much as i did.
ABOUT ANGELS
Do you know what angels wear?they wear
Angel-halos and Angel-wings,and Angel-dresses and Angel-shirts under them,and Angel underwear and Angel-shoes and Angel-socks,and on their heads They wear
Angel-hair-Except if they dont have any hair.
Some children and grown-ups don't have any hair because they HAve to take medicine that makes it fall out.And sometimes,the medicine makes them all better.And sometimes the medicine doesn't make them all better,and they die.And they don't have any Angel-hair.So do you know what God does then?
He gives them an Angel-wig.And thats what Angels wear.

Ive learned something through this journey we are traveling God gives our children such grace,a grace that we can never understand.I pray daily for the grace he gives me and sometimes I still feel like my heart is overflowing with pain,like i will never fully catch my breathe,like if i blink tears will explode from my soul out of my eyes.My daughter has the innocent grace that i yern for,she shows me that God will supply hope,grace and mercy..

Friday, September 25, 2009


Last-night I sat outside starring into the heavenly skies,
when coming out of the darkness i see with my squinting eyes
a tiny beautiful bird
i could not say even a single word...
she took away my breath with her glorious light,
she was an angel, i knew with all my might!
She sang a song so pure&sweet
as she landed by me&at my feet..
her beauty&song brought tears to my eyes,
I wondered why she would leave the heavenly skies.
She brought to me such PEACE& HOPE,
I knew right then i had reason to cope!
I had hope for what the future brings,
I knew all this as the little bird sings..
She told me about a garden I should create,
i knew this i had to do it just could not wait!
a garden made with HOPE&LOVE,
shared with my little bird sent from the heavens above...
FOR JENNA BELLE COX

i wrote this the 1st month of nevaeh's treatment



I woke up this morning missing her face,missing my life before we got to this place.
missing all the thing about her that make her smile
the smile that makes everything worthwhile.
Im missing the sparkle in her eye
the one that makes all your frustrations say good bye.
Some days are harder to cope, it will all be the same soon...i hope.
her days are better than before,
I am grateful for his open door
but somedays are harder than others
I guess its a pain that is understandable by all mothers.
Its silly to ponder on the rough here and now
these bad thoughts i should not allow
Shes doing better than she could
she's actually doing pretty good!!
I sometimes wonder how she may feel
with all the confustion in her ordeal
if i could stop her pain...
if i could stop the unstoppable rain..
i would take it all away
and make her good moments stay
she's in God's precious hands
i give it to him,he has his plans
Only he can make it all better
So I vent all my confusion in this letter
THANK YOU LORD,GIVE ME PEACE

2 girls with a battle to beat!



my daughter has a fight,
that she will attempt to conquier with all her might.
its a fight that with her life she will have to pay,
its a fight that keeps us to continuously pray.
SO far so good,
God kept his promise like he said he would!
some days are good,some are bad,
some are just too overwhelmly sad.
i cant let her see me weak,
or have anything sad to speak.
she sees her mommy strong,
she doesnt always seem to know something is wrong.
she doesnt know her life is at steak,
she doesnt know everyday my heart continues to break!
it seems all so unfair ,
so much more anguish than i can bear.
im always on the verge of tears,
so many overwhelming fears.
so much that scares my heart ,
only God keeps me from just falling apart.
She seems so strong in her fight,
she plans her future without a fright.
she wants to be a hockey player and a physician,
she is a little girl on a mission!
she wants to be a ballet dancer,
but first she wants to beat this cancer!
She cant wait for her next birthday
she counts the days til the 2nd of May!
I wish i could be like her and not worry what tomorrow may bring
I leave it up to our father the king.
I have faith in his word
I give it all to God,our LORD!
My daughter is a warrior of this disease
she will beat it,it will be a breeze!
Dont forger my daughter's fight,
help us pray for her every single night.
let her know shes on your mind,
thank you for your words and prayers so kind.
remember her on the days of good and the days of bad
remember even the good days can be so sad

being grateful







SOmetimes the world can seem so dark&grey
often it seems like you really dont want to hear what someone has to say
you feel disappointed in the way your life seems to be
You feel "why oh why is this happening to me!"
On those days that this is true
Know that there will come a day anew
when you will see a ray of light
shining just before your sight
God doesnt want your hear to have pain
he wants you to see the light beyond the rain
He wants you to know he knows your heart
hes known it all right from the start
Noone else can ever understand your hearts strain
noone else goes down the same lane
its never the same what people endure
every pain is diffrent but always pure
I know somedays its too dark to see the illuminating light in the skies
Its hard to see beyond the haze in your eyes
But just know it is there!
there is a God in the calm air
He will give you grace&help you get beyond this dreery place
He will give you hope &give you the strength to once again cope.

sunshine


Sometimes I fear i will never see light
beyond the the darkness i see a ray shining oh so bright.
Its a ray of sunshine beyond the gray
starting off a brand new day
with a smile so sweet
brightens the day of everyone she may meet
her eyes so bright,love so strong
thinknig nothing could ever go wrong
she is my sunshine and my star
her laughter you can hear from afar
she knows not all that could go wrong
a spirit so innocent and so strong
i adore my sunshine that loves me so
Please Lord let this cancer go
Let her beat it with all her might
so her smile will continue to make the world shine bright!