Friday, October 16, 2009

my reality

my reality is seeing my princess with all her fury little by little weaken.She is still stronger than i know but you can see in her paleness that she is not the can tell with her black circles things are harder.This battle will be won,but she is weaker than when it begun.Her weakness does not show defeat it only shows there is a battle to be won!
SO many obstacles for such a little girl.So much pain for a mother's heart.So much more than i feel I can endure.But when I feel weak and broken I remember Jenna and her mommy.I think of the great strength she allowed God to give her.She let herself be held by the great physician and slowly her heart will mend.
My reality is this is my new life,a whole new world.Its my old world turned upside down and inside out.Its a world full of valleys and pain.Full of heartache and that rain cloud that never goes away.The one that hangs over my house waiting to ruin a bright day.Waiting to see smiles fade and laughter stop.Waiting for my heart to break once more.Does this ever get better,do you ever get used to these days.
My heart says no,my mind says I hope so.It hurts to breathe and is hard to swallow.Tears want to explode from my eyes as they have from my heart.
My reality is autism,deafness,and cancer.... those are my 3 crosses to bear for me and my children.


  1. I like how you said "Her weakness does not show defeat it only shows there is a battle to be won!" That is such perspective!


  2. Our hearts are with you during these challenging times. You can see the hope of the Lord shine through your post and the strength of your daughter during these times ministers to us. Thank you for keeping up with James' blog and sharing your story. May God give you peace tonight and healing for Nevaeh. As James says, "get outta here leukemia!"

    In Him,
    Greg, Joy, James, and Adrianne Ryan