Thursday, October 15, 2009
Rainbows and Butterflies....
So many bad days,so much more then I feel like I can endure.
The last few days have been hard on me but even harder on her.
After chemo she began throwing up so much,much more that usual.That night was so hard to watch as she cried and continued to throw up.
We didn't sleep that night.It hurt so bad to see my daughter like that.I could hardly breathe.It hurt to try to swallow from all the tears i was holding back.
Trying to be strong for her is so much harder than you know.Trying to keep my self together,my emotions in,is almost impossible.But i do it.For her.Do you ever have time to let it out?When is the right time to cry?
I feels so alone,like no one will truly understand my heartache.
I often wonder what do other moms feel that go through this or even so much worse....
These days seem better;One moment at a time.
I hear beautiful laughter that makes my heart smile.I see lovely smiles and silly faces that make me cry for joy.
I enjoy the rainbows&butterflies for their true beauty.
I see them like noone else can.
I praise God for these days that I know he walks besides me,and hope on the bad days he will carry me through.
Its amazing how fast a good day can turn bad.How one minute you are laughing and playing and the next you are trying to breathe.
You try to be as normal as possible as you choke back tears.
For now,for this moment I will enjoy all the rainbows and butterflies that come after the strom....